A Comprehensive Analysis of the Enemy 2: We Win

PART TWO

*Shot from the dashboard. ALEX has a sh*t-eating grin on his face, while STACY looks outside the car, bored.

ANDREW: So, Peach, where would you like to go?

*STACY laughs slightly.

STACY: Peach?

ANDREW: Yes, Peach. Your name. Where do you want to go?

STACY: My name is Stacy... didn't you know?

*ANDREW frowns slightly. He then assumes his “Seriously I’m just that demented,” face.

ANDREW (yelling): YOUR NAME IS GOD DAMN PRINCESS PEACH! DO YOU HEAR ME?

STACY (quivering): ....Peach. Yes. Well, it's kinda cute.

ANDREW: We're going to the (expletive) Mushroom Kingdom. Put on your pink dress.

STACY: What?

ANDREW: I WILL (Expletive) SHOOT UP (Expletive) LIKE (Expletive) COLUMBINE IF YOU DON'T PUT ON THE DRESS!

*STACY looks around. ANDREW pulls from behind his seat a poorly pink dyed shirt of his own, which is far big enough to serve as a dress. It prominently features a stain on the gut.

STACY: You're kidding.....

ANDREW: And don't wear any panties.

ACT SIX

*ALEX pulls the car into the local 7-11, rolling down the window. Taking his sandal off, he begins to beat furiously on the side of the Honda Accord until a greasy 7-11 employee comes out- it's ALEX, ANDREW's co-host. He comes out with two extra large slushies, which he walks up to the car window.

ALEX: Your drinks, sir.

ANDREW: About (expletive) time.

*ANDREW flips ALEX a penny he flattened at Chucky Cheese

ANDREW: Don't spend it all now.

ALEX: I won't, sir.

*ANDREW puts both drinks between his legs and beckons for STACY to bend over and drink them.

ANDREW: Go ahead, have a drink.

STACY: I'll pass.

*ANDREW again assumes his “Seriously I’m just that demented,” face.

ANDREW (yelling): DO IT OR I WILL KILL EVERY FAMILY MEMBER YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN.

*STACY then bends over and begins to nervously drink the Mountain Dew flavored Slushie.

STACY: Is that better?

ANDREW: I love 7-11. I want to work there when I grow up. Maybe that way we can have children and I'll come back and feed the whole family. I could even be promoted to Assistant Manager. We could have a Wii in every room in the house.

STACY: What?

ANDREW: I want to name our first child Rygar.

*STACY'S MOM involuntarily shivers.

ACT SEVEN

*ANDREW has now left the 7-11 and pulls up to his apartment. He quickly hops out and opens the door for STACY, who is now crying, her mascara down her face like a goth. ANDREW, complete with sh*t-eating grin, opens his apartment door for her.

ANDREW: Come in, My Princess!

STACY: ....yes.

*STACY visibly fumbles for her cell phone.

*ANDREW walks in behind STACY, locking the door. He then leaves to another room, STACY pulling out her cell phone and quickly calling home.

ANDREW (From his room, yelling): I'll just be a minute, hun~~~~

STACY (sobbing on the phone): Mom? Mom????

STACY'S MOM: Honey? What's wrong?

STACY: I want to go home, mommy. This is the worst date I've ever been on!

STACY'S MOM: Honey, just leave. Remember, you're about three inches taller than him.

STACY: Okay mommy, I will.

*ANDREW then bursts in the room again wearing a red shirt, blue overalls, and a red hat with a giant white M on the front. He is carrying a plunger.



More and the epilogue on the next page.

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